What is EMDR and is it only for trauma?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. Despite the name, eye movements are only one way of doing it. EMDR uses bilateral stimulation, which can be visual, physical or auditory. It is best known as a therapy for trauma and PTSD, although in reality its uses go much further.

Sometimes we are working with a clearly traumatic event. At other times, it might be bullying, grief, a humiliating moment, a phobia, a painful rejection or years of being made to feel that you are not good enough.

The experience may not look “big” from the outside. It might even sound fairly ordinary when you describe it. Yet something about it has stayed with you.

Perhaps you can still hear what somebody said. You avoid anything that might recreate the same feeling. You know logically that one experience does not define you but part of you continues to believe:

“There is something wrong with me.”

“I am not safe.”

“I am powerless.”

“People will reject me.”

“I can’t cope.”

This is where EMDR can be incredibly helpful. It does not ask, “Was this event bad enough to count as trauma?” It asks, “Is this experience still affecting how you feel, what you believe or how you respond now?”

How can an experience become stuck?

Most experiences are gradually processed by the brain. We make sense of what happened, connect it with other information and store it as something that belongs in the past. We might still remember it but it no longer carries the same emotional charge. Other experiences seem to become stuck with the memory remaining connected to the feelings, physical sensations and beliefs that were present at the time. Something in the present can then activate the whole network.

A dismissive comment from a manager might bring back the feeling of being humiliated at school. Getting something wrong may trigger a much deeper sense of being a failure. Walking into a medical setting might make your body respond as though a frightening experience is about to happen again. You may know that the present situation is different. Your nervous system may not.

EMDR helps the brain process the original experience and connect it with what you know now. The memory is not deleted. You do not forget what happened. It can begin to feel like something that happened then rather than something you are still carrying into every similar situation now.

EMDR is not only for major trauma

People can be reluctant to bring experiences to therapy because they do not believe they are serious enough.

They might say:

“It was only bullying.”

“Other people had it worse.”

“It sounds silly but I’ve never forgotten it.”

“I should be over it by now.”

An experience does not need to be life-threatening to shape how you see yourself.

A teacher repeatedly making you feel stupid might contribute to the belief that you are incapable. Being excluded may leave you expecting rejection. A painful relationship could teach you that expressing your needs is dangerous. Years of criticism might become an internal voice that continues long after the person who criticised you has gone.

EMDR can help us trace a current difficulty back to the experiences that helped create or reinforce it. We are not trying to prove that everything is trauma. We are understanding how past learning continues to influence the present.

What can EMDR be used for?

EMDR has its strongest and most established evidence base as a treatment for PTSD. In clinical practice, it may also be incorporated into work with other difficulties when past experiences, memories or learned associations appear to be keeping them going.

Bullying and rejection

Bullying is not “just something that happened at school”. Being repeatedly mocked, excluded, criticised or made to feel different can shape your sense of identity. Even years later, you may enter a room expecting people to judge you or interpret an uncertain response as evidence that you are unwanted.

EMDR can target particular incidents, repeated experiences and the beliefs that developed around them. The aim is not to convince yourself that the bullying did not matter. It is to help your brain recognise that the people who treated you badly do not get to define who you are now.

Self-esteem and negative beliefs

Low self-esteem rarely appears from nowhere. A belief such as “I’m not good enough” may be connected to criticism, rejection, failure, comparison or repeatedly feeling misunderstood. You might understand intellectually that the belief is unfair while still feeling it as though it is true.

With EMDR, we can explore the memories linked to that belief and help the brain connect them with more accurate information. The change is not simply repeating “I am good enough” until you hope to believe it. The aim is for something more adaptive, perhaps “I have value”, “I am allowed to make mistakes” or “I am acceptable as I am”, to begin feeling true at a deeper level.

Grief and bereavement

Grief is not something that needs to be cured. Missing someone is not a symptom to be removed and EMDR is not used to help you forget the person or stop caring about them. However, grief can sometimes become tangled with distressing memories, guilt, unanswered questions or the circumstances surrounding a death.

Perhaps your mind keeps returning to a final conversation, an upsetting image, the moment you received the news or something you believe you should have done differently. The most painful parts of the loss can become so dominant that they make it difficult to access warmer memories of the person.

EMDR can help process the parts of the bereavement that feel stuck or traumatic. It may help reduce the intensity of a distressing image, explore guilt or regret and allow the memory of the person to become connected with the whole relationship rather than only with how they died.

The aim is not to take away grief. It is to help grief move so that remembering the person can eventually hold more than shock, fear or pain. There is no correct timetable for this. EMDR is not used to rush somebody through bereavement or suggest that grief has lasted too long. We work carefully with what is keeping the person stuck while respecting the importance of the relationship and the loss.

Phobias and fears

A phobia may begin with one frightening experience, several smaller experiences or an association that developed without a clear remembered cause. EMDR can be used to process the experiences connected to the fear, work with current triggers and help prepare for future situations. For example, we might work with an earlier panic experience, the sensations that now signal danger and the imagined catastrophe that makes approaching the situation feel impossible.

EMDR does not force somebody into a feared situation without preparation. It can sit alongside carefully planned behavioural work, helping to reduce the emotional charge that makes the fear feel so convincing.

Panic and intense physical reactions

Sometimes the most frightening part of an experience is what happened inside the body. A racing heart, dizziness, breathlessness or feeling unreal may become associated with danger. The person then becomes understandably frightened of experiencing those sensations again.

EMDR can help process the original panic experience and the meaning attached to the physical sensations. The body can begin learning that an uncomfortable sensation is not necessarily an emergency.

Addictions, compulsive behaviours and powerful urges

Addictive or compulsive behaviours often do something for the person, at least in the short term. They may numb emotion, interrupt memories, create relief or provide an escape from something that feels unbearable.

EMDR can form part of this work by exploring the experiences, emotions and beliefs connected to the behaviour. It can also target triggers, urges and memories of the relief or reward associated with it.

This is not about removing a behaviour without understanding its function. If we take away somebody’s way of coping, we need to help them develop safer and more sustainable ways of meeting the underlying need.

EMDR is not a replacement for medical care, risk management or specialist addiction treatment where these are needed. However, it can help address some of the experiences and emotional drivers that keep the cycle going.

Shame, guilt and experiences we cannot let go of

Sometimes the memory is not about something that was done to us. It may involve something we did, failed to do or believe we should have handled differently. We can become trapped in the moment, reviewing it repeatedly and judging our past self using information we only gained later. EMDR does not remove appropriate responsibility. It can help separate responsibility from endless self punishment and allow the memory to be understood with greater context, compassion and perspective.

What actually happens during EMDR?

EMDR uses bilateral stimulation. This means a visual, physical or auditory stimulus that alternates between the left and right sides.

I use an EMDR kit that gives us several options:

• A light moving from side to side across a light bar.
• Two small paddles that vibrate alternately in each hand.
• Alternating sounds played through headphones.

We can try the different options and choose whichever feels most comfortable and effective for you. Some people like watching the light bar. Others find the vibrating paddles more physical or grounding. Some prefer to close their eyes and use the headphones.

We then identify a memory, situation, image, physical sensation or belief connected to the current difficulty. While holding part of this in mind, you attend to the alternating light, vibrations or sounds and notice what emerges.

That might be:

• Another memory.
• A thought or realisation.
• An emotion.
• A change in the body.
• A different perspective.
• Something that initially seems completely unrelated.

You do not need to work out where your mind should go or produce a particular response. We allow the process to unfold and keep noticing what comes next.

Gradually, the emotional intensity may reduce and new connections can emerge.

You might move from:

“I am helpless.”

towards:

“I have choices now.”

Or from:

“I am fundamentally unlikeable.”

towards:

“I was treated badly. That does not mean I deserved it.”

This is not me giving you a positive statement and asking you to believe it. The change needs to emerge through the processing and feel genuinely believable to you.

Why use bilateral stimulation?

The honest answer is that we do not yet understand every part of how EMDR works. There are several theories and research is continuing. One important part of EMDR appears to be dual attention. Part of your attention is connected to the difficult memory or feeling while another part remains anchored in the present through the alternating light, vibrations or sounds.

You are remembering what happened while also receiving the message:

“I am here, in this room and that experience is not happening now.”

This can help the memory feel less immediate and allow the brain to make new connections.

Another explanation involves working memory. Holding a distressing memory in mind while also attending to another task may reduce how vivid and emotionally intense the memory feels, making it easier to process.

EMDR is also informed by the Adaptive Information Processing model. This suggests that present difficulties can continue when experiences have not been fully integrated with newer, more helpful information.

In everyday language, the brain may still be operating from:

“That happened so I will never be safe.”

rather than:

“That happened but it is not happening now. I survived and I have more choices today.”

I often describe EMDR as helping the brain find a more adaptive pathway. Sometimes that takes time. Sometimes, after years of feeling stuck, something begins to shift within only a few processing sessions. That is the part I continue to find amazing.

Do I have to tell you everything?

No.

We need enough information to understand what we are working with and whether EMDR is appropriate but you do not necessarily need to describe every detail aloud.

This can be particularly useful when an experience feels shameful, confusing or difficult to put into words. Some experiences are held more strongly as physical sensations, images or emotions than as a clear story.

You remain in control of what you share. We agree what we are working on and you can pause or stop at any point.

EMDR is much more than the equipment

People can sometimes imagine EMDR as simply watching a moving light or holding two vibrating paddles while thinking about something difficult.

The bilateral stimulation is only one part of the therapy.

EMDR is a complete psychotherapy with eight phases. These include:

1. Understanding your history and the difficulties bringing you to therapy.
2. Preparing carefully and developing ways to manage distress.
3. Identifying the memory, belief, emotion and physical sensations we will target.
4. Processing using bilateral stimulation.
5. Strengthening a more adaptive belief or understanding.
6. Checking whether distress remains in the body.
7. Closing the session safely.
8. Reviewing what has changed and deciding what we need to work on next.

We move backwards and forwards between these phases when needed. This is not a conveyor belt and nobody gets rushed into processing before they are ready.

For some people, preparation is relatively brief. Other people need longer to build safety, trust and confidence in managing what comes up. Preparation is not avoiding the work. It is part of the work.

Is EMDR a quick treatment?

Sometimes the processing can be surprisingly quick. A memory that has carried enormous emotional weight can begin to feel very different after only a few sessions. The facts remain but the old intensity or belief may no longer be there in the same way.

That does not make EMDR a quick fix. The amount of therapy needed depends upon what we are working with, how many experiences are connected and what else is happening in the person’s life. A single event or very specific phobia may take less time than repeated bullying, longstanding shame, childhood experiences or complex trauma.

Needing more time does not mean that you are failing at EMDR. Even when change happens quickly, the work can still be emotionally deep and tiring. We are not bypassing painful material. We are helping the brain process it.

How is EMDR adapted?

The underlying model remains structured but the way we work should be adapted to the individual.

Choosing the bilateral stimulation

There is no single type of bilateral stimulation that suits everybody. Some people prefer the light bar because it gives their eyes something clear to follow. Others find the vibrating paddles more physical and grounding. Headphones can work well for people who would rather close their eyes or who find visual stimulation tiring.

We can adjust the speed, intensity and length of each set. We can also switch methods if something feels uncomfortable, distracting or simply does not suit the way you process information. You are not expected to tolerate a particular method because it is the “proper” way to do EMDR. The equipment is there to support the processing and we choose how to use it together.

Finding the right pace

Some people need shorter sets, more breaks or more time to understand what they are noticing. We may spend longer building emotional safety or work with a small part of an experience rather than trying to process everything at once. The aim is not to overwhelm somebody until they “get through it”. Slower does not mean less effective. The right pace is the one that allows processing to happen while you remain sufficiently connected to the present.

Making therapy predictable

I explain what we are doing and why.

We can agree how you will signal if you need to pause, discuss what to expect and make sure there is time to settle before the session ends.

Therapy does not need to be mysterious to be effective.

Neuroaffirming EMDR

EMDR can work well for autistic and ADHD clients when it is adapted thoughtfully.

This might include:

• Clear and direct explanations.
• Visual or written prompts.
• Less reliance on describing emotions verbally.
• Working with images, body sensations, colours or patterns.
• Allowing movement and fidgeting.
• Reducing distracting or uncomfortable sensory input.
• Using shorter sets and more frequent breaks.
• Allowing additional time to process a question.
• Recognising the impact of masking, rejection, bullying and repeated misunderstanding.
• Not insisting upon eye contact.
• Checking whether a reaction relates to past learning or to a current environment that genuinely needs to change.

A neuroaffirming approach does not use EMDR to make somebody more able to tolerate discrimination, sensory overload or unreasonable demands.

Sometimes we need to process the past. Sometimes we need to change the present. Often, we need to do both.

Working with complex trauma

When somebody has experienced repeated or early trauma, the work often needs to be paced very carefully.

There may not be one obvious memory to target. Different experiences may be connected by the same feeling or belief, such as “I am unsafe”, “I do not matter” or “Everything is my fault”.

The person may also have learned to disconnect from emotions or physical sensations as a way of surviving.

In this situation, we may spend longer developing safety, recognising emotional states and building ways to remain anchored in the present. Processing may happen in smaller pieces rather than trying to tackle everything at once.

The aim is never to overwhelm someone in the name of therapy.

What does EMDR feel like?

There is no single answer.

Some people notice a stream of memories, images or thoughts. Some experience changes in physical sensations. Others have moments of emotion followed by an unexpected sense of distance or calm.

You do not have to make anything happen. There is no correct sequence and no prize for having a dramatic response.

My role is to help you remain connected enough to the present while your brain works with material from the past. We notice what emerges, make sense of it where needed and keep checking that the pace remains manageable.

Sessions can be emotional and tiring. They can also bring relief, clarity and the slightly strange experience of trying to summon the old level of distress and discovering that it is simply no longer there.

Why I chose to train in EMDR

I had used trauma-focused CBT for years and had seen it work extremely well. I still value it enormously.

I also began working with clients whose experiences seemed to sit at a deeper and more emotionally intense level. They could understand what had happened. They could recognise that the beliefs they had developed were unfair. Yet part of them still felt as though the old danger, shame or powerlessness were true. That made me rethink what else I could offer.

Since training in EMDR, I have used it not only with significant trauma but with bullying, grief, phobias, panic, shame, self-esteem difficulties, painful relationship experiences and some of the emotional drivers behind urges or addictive behaviours.

Sometimes we are processing the worst thing that ever happened to somebody. Sometimes we are working with one sentence said years ago that somehow became part of how they saw themselves. Both can matter. Honestly, I wish I had trained in EMDR years ago.

Sometimes it takes only a few processing sessions for the brain to begin moving onto a different, more adaptive pathway. I would never promise quick results and EMDR can still be difficult, emotionally deep work.

I have been amazed by what can shift. I am a convert. I am very glad that I can now offer EMDR alongside CBT and IPT, choosing and adapting the approach according to the person and what they need rather than deciding that everyone’s difficulties must fit neatly into one type of therapy.